Two kids standing in front of you, both crying, both yelling, both a hot mess. You’re trying to deescalate the argument by making them apologize, and both at the same time yell, “BUT THEY STARTED IT!!” As parents we’ve all been there, probably more often than we’d like to admit. But, what’s funny to me is how many times have we been standing there in front of God, arguing with our spouse, crying, yelling, neither wanting to apologize and both yelling at God “BUT THEY STARTED IT!!”
I know I’ve been there. Many times. I’ve had those conversations with God that go something like this. “I don’t understand, it’s not fair, plus he started it, he can change his attitude before he expects anything from me.” But here’s the kicker arguing with your spouse is a result of TWO (not one) people making a decision to communicate their feelings poorly. We all have the choice to speak or respond in flesh or respond with the fruit of the spirit.
What, but, what if my spouse makes a comment that is unnecessary?? My answer is simple, grace. We’ve all been given the spirit of grace and WE have the choice to respond in it or not. In Matthew 5:9, Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers.” You control your emotions, not your spouse. You have the right to control how you act or how you respond. Example, say your spouse comes home from work. It’s been a long day for them, they lose track of time and they snap at you. Right here, you have the choice to respond in flesh or spirit. Sometimes being patient and letting it go and then calmly, in the fruit of the spirit, bring it back up later in the day when your spouse has had time to relax may also help. “Hey, earlier today you kind of snapped at me, I just want you to know that I understand you had a bad day at work, and I’m sorry, what you said kind of hurt my feelings and I just wanted to let you know, is there anything you’d like to talk about?” OR “But, they started it?”
What’s more important to you… Your point, your opinion, or peace and love in your marriage?
I challenge every couple interested in attaining a deeper relationship with one another to take just these two passages, Galatians 5:22-23, and 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, and pray upon them. Move forward together, as a couple. Ask God to shower your relationship with wisdom and insight as you move to a closer spirit filled relationship.
It’s OK to remind yourself daily that embracing these scriptures are daily choices. Choose to be patient, choose to be joyful, choose to be kind, choose to have self-control, choose to love. If you will both engulf yourself individually and as a couple with these values your creating a lifestyle for a long and happy marriage.
So, in the end, who cares if “they started it”, let God finish it.