. Short back story of me

I am outspoken. I am bold. I have always been like this. Even all the way back into high school I was the one my friends came to to “handle” a matter of discord. I would speak up. If it was an injustice I made sure it was brought into the light.

This part of me has always been there. It was a fearless side.

A side of who questioned things. Sought answers. Wanted to know Why or How?

It wasn’t molded or guided by the spirit tho. It became wreckless, an unhinged wildness. I was pregnant at 18. Covered in tattoos by mid 20s. An unrepentant, supposedly saved at 13, woman who had a fire in me, a call, but I didn’t know what to do with it.

I remember being a young teenager and having my first vivid dream from the Lord—I woke up in extreme panic. My mom had to help me calm down. It was so real. He showed me how quick life can change if you didn’t follow him.

I wonder nowadays where would I be now, if I had fully leaned in at a young age instead of rebelled.

Thank God for his mercy and that HE can make up for lost time.

I grew up in church. I knew God. I knew his presence. I loved God. But I never ABIDED in Him. I never feared Him.

When I fully surrendered to the Lord. A whole new world was opened to me. A vast world of a wildness but IN HIM !!

This is me!!! This was the FIRE I’ve always had. When I started to fully understand and dive into the word I knew I had always been called to be who I am now. It C L I C K E D.

I went all in.
I jumped completely into the deep end.

The Lord was ready. And I’ve spent years in his word now sinking below the surface to bring up a seed of life to others.

But—I fell in to a trap.
I started comparing myself.
Why???

Leaders in my life who I considered my spiritual family — I had to fit to them.

My questions were shut down.
I felt I had to tone myself down, rather it was what I personally liked or what the Lord was pulling me into.
I would be reprimanded for being out of order over how I prayed for people.
I was told I had fully landed in my calling but it was something I knew was only temporary.

I now think back snd say to myself, Me, someone who had always been bold. Someone who had always been outspoken – how did you fall into this

How was I pursuing the deeper things of God and also find myself surrounded for a couple years in a fade of grays——

——Because it’s sneaky!!!

I was never “normal” or “traditional.”
But— I wanted a seat at the table so bad, tho.
I’d say yes to anything because it meant you needed me.

It’s a trap!!! Comparison feeds on your unhealed insecure areas. It makes you feel that there is no room for you unless minimize yourself.

Comparison is a C U R S E!!

Comparison is a T H E I F!!

Comparison Kills Contentment!!

“For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise. We, however, will not boast beyond measure, but within the limits of the sphere which God appointed us—a sphere which especially includes you.” 
_II Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭12‬-‭13‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I’ve had to heal, unlearn, relearn.

. I just want to encourage you:

If you have felt the tug of comparison — flee from it !!
If you feel you have to minimize the gifts in you to fit in — they aren’t your people.
If you want a seat at “the table” know the one in your home is better!!! It’s where you can sit and lean into the Lord. It’s where you can wait until the table you’re supposed to sit at is built.

Learn that “NO” is a full sentence.
Learn HIS voice over man’s voice. Be so close to God that any whisper will set your “alarms” off.

It’s OK to ask questions.
It’s OK to be the version of you HE created YOU TO BE.

There are people you are called to that are waiting on your FULL UNDILUTED self.

It’s OK to be weird. I’m weird. We’re not called to fit in. We’re called to be set apart!!!

Stop comparing & MOVE!!
Stop comparing & SPEAK!!
Stop comparing & GO!!!

Release all he has given you!!

To clarify:

• this is not meaning covering is not needed.
• this does not mean to bypass the area of healing.
• this does not mean to revoke honor to those in authority
• this does not mean you are to mantle yourself with a title and set your self in a position you are not called or ready to be in.

This is simply stating that for you to be and grow into who HE called you to be.
You must position yourself in the full plumbline of God.

The healed version of you is needed.
The undiluted radical lover of jesus in you is needed.

Don’t sit on the sidelines.

Stop comparing and move in to your position, where ever that may be.

But godliness actually is a means of great gain when accompanied by contentment. 
_1 Timothy 6:6

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. 
_Galations 1:10

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
_Romans 12:2

 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith;  if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach;  if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.
_Romans 12:6-8