You can’t force people to be in your life. Even if you don’t fully understand it in the moment, not everyone stays. People leave. People come. Friends and seasons change. Circles decrease and circles increase. What I have learned is this: some are permanent and some are temporary. We must be able to discern between the two, because if we don’t, we can find ourselves begging for the temporary while slowly letting go of the permanent. That is how we end up off balance.
Temporary relationships often leave you chasing for a position in someone’s life. You feel like you are constantly proving yourself, explaining yourself, or trying to secure a place that never quite feels settled. Permanent relationships feel different. Your position is solid, even in conflict or disagreement. You are not fighting for access. You are not auditioning for belonging. There is stability there. Temporary people are often drawn to what you provide, while permanent people are committed to who you are. Temporary connections shift with convenience, but permanent ones remain steady through inconveniences. And here is the hard truth: not everyone who has access to you has alignment with you.
To dig deeper, think about the temple structure. There was the outer court, the inner court, and the Holy of Holies. Friendship works the same way.
The outer court represents public access. These are acquaintances, casual relationships, surface conversations. They are not bad people. They simply have limited access.
The inner court is closer. This is trust, shared history, vulnerability, and mutual understanding. Not everyone earns this space.
Then there is the Holy of Holies. This is a sacred space. Covenant. Deep loyalty. Covering. These are the people who can correct you without competing with you, who protect your name when you are not in the room, and who can see your weaknesses without weaponizing them.
The problem is that many people allow outer court individuals into their Holy of Holies and then feel hurt when those individuals behave according to their level of maturity and access.
We have to stop doing this.
Not everyone is meant to carry your secrets. Not everyone is built to steward your calling. Not everyone has the maturity to handle your vulnerability. And it is not bitterness to move someone from the inner court back to the outer court. It is wisdom. Discernment is not rejection; it is alignment.
When roles are misplaced, life feels unstable. You overextend yourself. You overexplain. You overcompensate. You feel drained instead of covered. But when relationships are positioned correctly, there is peace, clarity, and stability. You stop chasing. You stop begging. You stop shrinking to stay. You simply stand where you belong. And the ones who are truly permanent will remain.
